I'm doing this

November 15th, 2am. 

From here on in, I write without a script, see if anything comes of it, instead of my old shit.

I’ve re-written this about twenty times now – that date, up there, has changed enough that I want to punch myself for constantly delaying this inevitable thing –, and each time, I’ve been unhappy with my own words, without really knowing what I even want to talk about. Despite that, I feel like I had them on the tip of my tongue for weeks, months even and never really sat to write them down. I suppose that explains why I want to write so badly: decluttering my mind feels like it would make life so much simpler.

But what to talk about, what thoughts to put out there for the world to hear? Love might make me sound like too much of a romantic, too much of a sap, which is not so far from the truth even if I’m quite the skeptic at times. Life will just make me sad, as wondering about a perspective future usually does, I’m a fatalist always. Politics is a big no, as I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut because I don't think I'm repressed enough to earn the right to speak my opinions: straight, white, middle class, as if being a woman isn’t enough censure already.

I could try and write about my everyday life, but being an introvert with a penchant for procrastination doesn’t quite fit the bill for interesting and I doubt anyone would want to hear about my fights with relatives or ineptitude to being an adult (although one has to wonder if anyone is ever apt for such a task). Eventually, I think, I’d try to live a more interesting life just to have a better subject to write about, but my inherent laziness might get in the way.

There won’t be a schedule, or a general subject matter, for these posts. I won’t force myself to write, but I won’t stop myself from posting things either, despite the lack of interest some people might have in it – to be fair, if you’ve come all this way, might as well, stop and read something.

And just get it out of the way: yes, I’m Brazilian; yes, I’m writing in English. Just deal with it.

Either way, I’m still mildly confused about what I'm doing so here goes nothing.

Anna